As we’re nearing the end of one month and looking to the beginning of a new one, I’m confronted again with my inability to finish things well, with my tendency to skip ahead to the next thing. In an effort to quell this propensity, I’m reflecting on my May, all the way to its 31st day. June can (and should) wait. 

As I’m writing this, it’s Thursday, May 30, 2024. For the whole month of May, I decided to keep a journal. Yes, it’s embarrassing to call myself a writer and not usually keep a journal - this May journal was a new exercise, I’ll admit. I used to keep a more consistent journal in college and grad school, but since graduating, I’ve had a harder time taking the time to write, even just my thoughts and feelings. 

But at the end of April, I decided to start two new habits for the month of May: journaling every day and working out *almost* every day. I’m proud to say I’ve done well with those two habits, though “every day” became extremely relative. I journaled 16 (tomorrow will be 17) days out of the month, and I worked out about 20 days out of the month (I include hour-long walks as a workout at this stage in my life - pushing my 14 pound baby up hills in her stroller is definitely a workout). My habits weren’t every day and they weren’t perfect, but I still count them as progress, and I have to see them that way or I’ll get sad. ;) 

In today’s journal, as I reflected on this last month, I faced a common temptation for me. I wanted to jump to thinking about June 2024 - a new journal document in google docs, a new workout routine, maybe even a new homemaking weekly schedule to try. June is shiny. A new beginning, a new start, a new chance to journal more, workout more, try more new recipes, stay more organized and consistent. June is all possibility and May is “basically” over. (Do I sound a little insane, talking about months this way?)

But May’s not over yet. Why do I want to skip these last few days? Why do I do this with so many things? I want to start the NEW month before I’ve even finished the one I’m literally living in. 

I’ve got a day and a half left of May; I’m determined to finish it well, to stick to my new habits for one more day, to enjoy Amelia’s fifth month of life without trying to rush to her sixth. I’m on the right track - I’ve worked out and journaled today. Not surprisingly, it was the act of journaling that forced me to slow down and think before skipping in the first place. I have one more day to do these things well, to spend the time doing the work that’s important to me in this season of life, rather than skipping to the “more” exciting June 1st. 

I have a feeling I sound a little nuts, trying to skip days to get to a new month, just because it’s something new and different. Hopefully this makes sense to someone else - it’s hard for me to sit still, to finish things well, when planning for a new beginning seems infinitely more fun. Planning ahead is necessary, but I tend to skip important parts of the present to get there.

Lord, help me be still.

I wanted to write this out, in case anyone else is tempted to skip ahead. Enjoy the moment (month) you’re in now. June can wait. ;)