Having newly married friends when you’re newly married is so fun, but having newly married friends who are into the same stuff as you when you’re newly married is the best.

Tucker and I have two couple friends that we see regularly, for small group every other week, movie nights, Sunday brunch, Minecraft Mondays, etc. We’ve been so blessed to become such fast friends with each of them and it’s been sweet to discover how much we have in common.

One major thing we all have in common is that all our guys are gamers. They’d probably hate that I would call them “gamers,” since the word conjures images of smelly guys in their mom’s basement, yelling about needing more G-fuel and cursing out little kids in a COD lobby. But, thankfully, those aren’t the boys we married. And those aren’t even most “gamers” anymore.

Still, the men we married do play a lot of video games, and as we couples all got to know each other, we realized the boys were part of this not-so-secret club of gaming terms and strategies, and waiting for new releases, and knowing who Malenia and Miquella are. (Tucker’s explained them to me a few times, but all I know is they are brother and sister and they’re cursed or something. It’s an Elden Ring thing, and I definitely googled “elven ring” to get the name right.)

So I asked the ladies, what’s it like being a non-gamer girl who loves a gamer boy?

Oddly enough, both other couples had just discussed this very topic days before I texted and had answers at the ready.

Love for the Art (of Gaming)

The first friend said honestly that she didn’t like it much when they first started dating, because she wasn’t a gamer. It’s not always easy to get to know someone when they are so wrapped up in something you don’t understand or just aren’t good at.

I suspect this is the way for most girls (I certainly felt it a bit myself when Tucker and I started dating) - whether it’s with sports or video games or chess or some other random hobby that they’ve never taken the time to learn about. Then all the sudden, someone cute catches your eye and they open up a whole new world of interests. These are obvious statements, but they hit you harder when you actually experience them.

She went on to say that her boyfriend, now husband, began to show her the artistic side of video games, and it started to click for her. In her words, he exposed her to a whole new and fascinating artform that she never would have seen if not for him. This friend and her husband are very creative people, so it was cool to hear that their common ground in video games was found in the artwork. She concluded that she loves video games now and can’t imagine their lives without them.

Joining the Club

The second friend had a different take. She said she felt like her husband was in a club that she wasn’t part of - something I also experienced. She described it as this thing that the person you love is super invested in and has a whole community around (or at least a universal topic he can discuss with anyone else in the club) and you feel like you need to decide if you want to join the club or not.

At first she thought, since it’s not her thing, she’ll just be outside the club. He can have his interests and she can have hers, a conclusion that honestly makes a lot of sense. Couples don’t have to do everything together and they certainly don’t have to like all the same things.

But after awhile, she decided to give it a try. Maybe it was something they could do together, maybe she’d like being part of the club. She also decided to start with Elden Ring, which most people might warn against as your first video game, but she said having the well-thought-out story to guide her through the world was actually very interesting. The hardest part is figuring out which button does what and remembering it all when you’re fighting a boss.

She said she just smashes all the buttons until something happens. A woman after my own poor-gaming heart.

For the Fun of It

I think for me, I have a bit of a different take, though I still resonate with my friends. When Tucker and I were first dating, I realized I loved hearing him explain literally anything. And since he knew so much about video games and is also a big-time researcher, I got to learn about all the lore and story of all his favorite games. And I didn’t have to play them to get it.

Sure, I tried a few times. I have distinct memories of Tucker trying to get me into this spaceship flying game that he still loves today. He bought an entire joystick of sorts for the game. I was terrible. The buttons didn’t make sense, the zero-gravity and 360 degree movement made me feel sick - it was awful. He wanted me to like it so bad and it just wasn’t for me. He jokingly cried out, “Kayley, why aren’t you into flying spaceships as much as me!”

We got through it though; there are still rings on our fingers. ;) But I realized most of the hardcore strategy, complicated video games that Tucker loved weren’t fun to me. I don’t see video games as something to conquer - I want to have fun while I play, and when I’d try these games, I’d end up so tense from being afraid to die and lose all my loot that my back would hurt the whole next day. It was much more fun (and relaxing) to watch him play.

I did latch onto Minecraft though and I’ve gotten pretty good, for someone who had never played before 2019. Minecraft is one of Tucker’s favorite games, mainly because he’s an architecture guy and loves to build the fantastical things in his head. But he also loves it because he can play with his friends.

That’s what I wanted, if I was going to become a “gamer.” Tucker would get on Discord calls with all his buddies or with all his brothers and they’d just talk and laugh and joke and game for hours. They’d play old favorites and they’d try new ones and figured them out together. We’d also watch Youtubers who did the same thing with their friends, and suddenly the club sounded like the best club in the world.

It all sounded like so much fun, but I didn’t have any gamer friends. I didn’t have girls I could call up on Discord at 9pm and build a Waffle House replica in our shared Minecraft world and talk about our weeks with.

Minecraft Mondays

Until we met our couple friends and now all seems right with the world. We ladies are non-gamer girls venturing into the world of gaming, where our men seem like kings. A little dramatic, I know, but it’s been so fun!

We girls started Minecraft Mondays last year and we actually built a Waffle House replica in a Minecraft world together, while we ate chocolate chip cookies and talked about our weeks. We’re not the best at video games, but that’s part of the fun. Unlike our guys (and more power to them for this), we aren’t trying to win or beat our high-score or even do the work of learning all the lore (Tucker will explain it to us, anyway). We just play for fun.

And as non-gamer girls who love gamer boys, we found a hobby that we might never have ventured into, if it wasn’t for our respective, lovable weirdos.